“Why would your father threaten his whole pack?” I asked, bewildered.
Edgar sighed, “He knew I loved the pack and he also knew how close I was to my uncle. He didn’t want me to have any love, he wanted everyone to fear me. He wanted me to be a cruel alpha, one who’s feared by everyone.”
He let out a bemused laugh, “The bastard didn’t know what was coming.”
He sat there and stared at the wall, his eyes held sorrow. Edgar shook his head and released a breath.
“He also wanted to hurt me….killing the only father figure in my life….did that.”
I frowned, I felt horrible for him, but I also felt extremely guilty. He had tried telling me all of this when we first met, but I didn’t want to hear it. I just continued tell him that he was a pathetic man, and an even sadder Alpha.
I cupped his face and made him look at me, his face was showing how vulnerable he really is. He tried looking away, but I wouldn’t let him go. I gently stroked his cheek, I could feel a tear fall from my eye, but I didn’t care.
“You tried telling me this before…” I murmured.
He swallowed, “I know.”
“And I didn’t listen.”
“It’s not your fault.”
I smiled sadly, “It is. I should have at least tried to get to know you. Maybe that would have made it easier for you to tell me about the curse.”
“I would of still had trouble telling you. I didn’t know how to explain it.” He whispered.
I sighed and dropped my hands to my side, I then hugged him. He nuzzled his face into my neck and planted a soft kiss there. I didn’t say anything, I just continued hugging him.
“I know you don’t love me, but…do you think you eventually will?” He whispered.
I frowned and pulled away from him, his eyes shined with fear. I smiled softly at him.
“I think I will.” I replied.
I already want to kiss you. I’m just scared.
We laid together in silence, both of us in our own thoughts. I thought over those few months that I spent living here with him. The beatings were the same every day, maybe some lasted longer than others, but that was the only difference.
During the nights though, he was sweet and loving. He would apologize over and over again, telling me that he wished he could tell me why he abused me. He would tell me that he hated what he was doing. I knew he hated himself those nights and I can tell he still hates himself.
I just didn’t know how to escape the fear, I guess it’s good news that I can now sleep beside him without any nightmares. But I wanted to be able to kiss him and work on loving him. As of right now, I have no idea what I feel for him.
My wolf has been silent throughout my whole time here and didn’t give me any guidance. I was clueless as to what to do with him.
He has his owns fears to work out, his own demons that haunt him. My demons were weak, made up of nightmares from our past together, but they were slowly dying.
I’ve always handled things pretty well, this PTSD isn’t stopping me from being me. All it’s doing, is stopping me from loving Edgar.
“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked.
I raised an eyebrow at him and chuckled. I turned onto my side to stare at him.
“I was thinking of the past.” I whispered.
He didn’t have to ask me, he already knew what part of the past I was thinking of. He pursed his lips.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “For hurting you.”
I smiled softly at him, “I know you are, it wasn’t your fault. You had no control.”
“I tried showing you the real me.” He frowned.
I sighed, I scooted closer and laid my head on his chest.
“I know, and I’m sorry for not giving you the chance to explain everything. I assumed the worst.”
“I can’t blame you, you just did what you did to keep yourself safe.” He sighed.
“I’m a monster.”
I frowned at him before smiling. “Well, yeah you are, I mean, we are werewolves. So, you are technically a monster.”
He chuckled, “Thank you, for that lovely advice. Really helped me.”
“You’re welcome.” I beamed.
He rolled his eyes at me, a laugh escaped his lips. I grinned, I’m never going to get used to that. His laugh was music to my ears, I never wanted to hear it stop.
He finally calmed down enough to study me. He lifted his hand and stroked my cheek, he then cupped it. I smiled while leaning into his touch, somehow finding comfort in the very hands that hurt me not so long ago.
“I hope you can find a way to love me, Melanie. Because I love you more than anything and I promise to make it right with you.” He whispered before kissing me on the forehead.