Jolene
Elena was the first one to talk. “Jolene, you know that I love you and am risking making you angry again but you need to hear this; The bid is too high. Lancelot always failed his promises. How much breaking can you take?”
Those words felt like as if cold water had been thrown on me. How much suffering can I take? Last time I almost couldn’t come back. However, even if a big part of me couldn’t believe anymore. I wanted to think that it was real. That I wasn’t crazy.
“But, he is telling the truth, Elena. He knelt before me and told me he would spend the rest of his life proving his love for me. Even if I can barely fell the bond, I want to trust him.”
“Did he tell you what happened all that time? Did you tell him everything you have gone through?”
“We are going to talk about that tomorrow.”
My mother chimed in. “Give your mate a chance to explain why he wasn’t there for you, and let him know how feel about you two. You are made for each other, but after all he has done, he should fight for it.”
“Fight for it? What is the point if they love each other?” asked Abigail.
“She almost died because of him. It isn’t right to let him have her like its nothing. She shouldn’t forget all the pain, rejection, lying, and cheating that she has been through. She may forgive Lancelot and try to work things out but she must never forget what he has done. She might want to follow her wolf’s instinct but mustn’t forget her human side.”
My right hand went to my neck. If he had listened to me that day, things would have been much different – less painful.
“What do you want Jolene? I punched Oliver for what he did, by the way,” said Elena.
I slumped my shoulders and let my hands fall to my sides. “Sometimes, I can see my future with Oliver, you know? Us growing old together with children. Never being afraid of him rejecting me. But, it just feels like the easy way–running away. With Lancelot, it is like the calm before the storm. I look at him, listen to his words, and know that he believes them. But, I don’t. Every time he says he loves me I feel so happy because it is what I want, but at the same time, I feel like crying because I can’t trust him anymore. With him, everything feels like a dream. A dream from which I could wake up in the worst moment again.”
Elena sighed. “I think you should be more forgiving with both. Lancelot was a very stupid and immature teenager when you met him. On the other hand, you and Oliver went through all that growing up together. It is just normal how comfortable you are with each other. You practically molded each other’s personalities. I am just wondering; How can you so easily forgive Lancelot who has been hurting you again and again but leave Oliver immediately because of one brokenhearted mistake after he had proven you how much he loves you?”
I kept quiet. Why? Why does being with Lancelot feels so right?
“Jolene, what did you feel when you went to Oliver’s apartment and found him with another girl?” My mother voice was so soft as always.
“I was sad, of course. It hurt.”
“Just sad?”
“No… I also felt… relieved. I want him to be happy and seeing him with another girl showed me that he could move on.” My mother, Elena and Amanda exchanged weird looks. Okay.
Elena cleared her throat. “So-” there was a crash from the other side of the call.
“Ouch. Wait. What did I miss?” Kathe asked. She was panting.
Elena snorted. “I was wondering where you were.”
“Sorry. I fell asleep. Hi, Jolene. Hi, Aby.” Kathe waved at us and we waved back.
“As I was saying; I guess this is not about a mate bond, but you truly love Lancelot in your heart, even without the bond.”
I love him? Yes, I do. I just love him, with or without the bond. I closed my fists and let my nails dig in my skin. I am not going to cry… not again.
“Jolene…” Abigail cooed, leaning over me to give me a loose hug.
“He hurt me so much. He was never there when I really needed him. How can I just love him and pretend I don’t have all these negative feelings toward him?”
Abigail tightened the hug as I sniffled. “This may sound cliché, but follow your heart. Tell him exactly how he made you feel and how much he hurt you. But, you need to stop being so angry. You got hurt but keeping all that anger inside of you is unhealthy.”
“Jolene…”
I looked at the laptop. “Yes, Mandy?”
“It’s not his fault he didn’t save you. He didn’t know you needed saving; He is not a mind reader. I️ know these past years have been so difficult for you but he’s your soul mate, the other part of your soul.”
My mom cleared her throat. “Lancelot and she have been through so much. Nonetheless, this is Jolene’s choice in the end. All we can do is support her whether her choice is to rekindle their relationship or if she wants to move on and make a new life with the council.”
Maybe what I need is a longer break. I have been doing so good for almost two years. All that mate drama is just exhausting. “A new life? Should I-”
“No!” Kathe literally jumped in. I think she hit her forehead with the computer. “Lancelot made a mistake; Everybody makes mistakes. You two love each other. Break the wall between you two and start off something fresh. Life is too short, so don’t waste it. Whatever choice you make, I support you, but remember that you were not the only one who suffered for the past months.”
Living is just making use of the time given to us. He is my happiness. But, am I his happiness? How much more time am I going to waste? I pulled away from the hug and wiped off some tears. Crisis averted. “How do you know that he has suffered?”
“Well, he has been calling the pack. Your father talked to him a couple of times,” my mother said.
“Samuel and Matt still talk from time to time,” Amanda said and Kathe nodded.
“Okay. He regrets his decisions, but they were still his decisions. Even if he was or is suffering, he can’t just expect Jolene to take him back immediately,” Elena said.
Kathe straightened up. “Lancelot is a victim too. Everyone is upset because he didn’t rescue Jolene, but if Lancelot thought that something was wrong, do you all think Chris would have let Lancelot go or manipulated the situation further? Yes, he kissed another girl. However, Chris put her in his room knowing that Lancelot was vulnerable. It’s hard to win a war when you don’t even realize you are in a battle. Lancelot was being manipulated by someone he trusted into believing the woman he loved betrayed him with seemly visible evidence of her betrayal.”
“You can’t just put all the blame on Chris,” Elena said slightly raising her voice.
“I am not doing it, but I know all too well how Chris is!” With that everyone fell silent. Just because she is always smiling, we often forget to acknowledge how much Kathe has suffered by once being Chris’ mate. She had pulled herself out of the darkness practically on her own.
Amanda broke the silence. “Lancelot is striving to make an empire out of his pack and he only started this to become an Alpha worthy of you, his mate. Jolene, haven’t you waited long enough? It’s time for him to prove that he was worth waiting for. Let’s face it, you are already ready to forgive him for all the heartache.”
Abigail nodded. “He’s your mate, your other half, and he made mistakes but give him another chance.”
“How many chances until he completely breaks her though?” Elena rubbed her temples. “Woman of my life, I have seen you been let down so many times. Each time is worse than the one before. I understand you love him, but you said so yourself: you don’t trust him.”
Kathe turned to Elena. “Trust can be earned back. I don’t see the point of keeping two people clearly in love away from each other.”
“I don’t want to keep them away from each other.” Elena used air quotes. “I don’t want to have some asshole breaking my best friend’s heart over and over. He was too full of himself to listen to her and rejected her. Do you really think he is a better person now? After killing innocent children?”
That… is true. It was reported to the council. Lancelot did kill children. It has been two years since he rejected me. Do I even now him anymore? If he did chance, what tells me it was for better?
“Jolene, sweetie.”
“Yes, mother?”
“Fight for what you feel is right; Fight for living the live you want – for your future that only you can decide. And if you truly love him, fight for the one who holds your heart and true devotion. I will be here for you whether you go one way or the other. However, if you decide to fight for a future together with Lancelot, make him work for it; Don’t let him off the hook so easily. I know it’ll be tempting to just get back with him. But, if you make him work for it, he’ll learn to appreciate you even more, and it’ll help your relationship grow stronger.”
“But what if I don’t know what is right? What if I don’t want to decide? What if what I want is to run away?”
“Jolene!” Kathe’s tone was serious. “Everything happened for a reason-”
Like the smartass I am, I had to interrupt her. “Everything happened for a reason: what someone who has no fucking clue of how to help, but that very politely, have listened to my problems says.”
Everyone laughed out loud while Kathe narrowed her eyes to the camera. Uh, scary. “Would you let me finish?”
“Yes, sorry.”
“Everything happened for a reason, one way or another both of you need each other. There is no shortcut to happiness. You will find it soon, I promise.”
“Thank you all for this. I appreciate everything you said, but my head is still a mess. Your words keep spinning around my mind, making me dizzy.”
Abigail put a hand on my shoulder. “Do you have the slightest idea of what you will do tomorrow?”
I nodded. “Okay, based on what you have all said. First, I need to talk to him; catch up and ask him why he wasn’t there for me. Then, I need to decide if I can trust him again. That is the hard part. Even if I think he is telling the truth, I shouldn’t just give in so easily. I must be 100% sure I can be with him and make him work for it. And then, there is that other problem.”
“What other problem?” asked Elena.
“I don’t want to think about it right now. It shouldn’t impact my decision.” “I’m lost,” said Kathe.
“Same,” repeated the rest of the girls.
“I’ll tell you once I decide if I am taking him back.”
“You better,” said Elena.
“Enough of my love live. I need updates. Kathe, you start.”
“What can I say? Wilder is so sweet. He is planning to give Matt the Third in Command position to spend more time with me and be more involved with our child.”
“Aw, that is adorable. I still strongly dislike him, though.”
“It is mutual. He was especially upset with you rejecting your second chance mate. That is a touchy topic for him, with him and I being second chance mates.”
I understand, but it still is none of him damn business. I smiled. “Do you know if the baby is a boy or a girl?”
“It is still too early to tell, but we are happy either way.”
“That is great! How are things with Matt, Mandy?”
Even in through the laptop screen, I could tell she had blushed.
“Well, the other day we almost did it…”
“What? Hug? Kiss?” I grinned.
“Nuh uh… That and more, you know.”
“What!?” Elena, Kathe and I yelled at the unison.
My mother chuckled and Abigail laughed at our reactions.
“What happened to my innocent little sister?” Elena clung to Amanda dramatically.
Once the shock was gone I snickered “And what stopped you?”
Abigail smacked my shoulder. “Jolene!”
I shrugged. “What? I want to know.”
“We didn’t have…eeh…” She stuttered for some good twenty seconds.
“Condoms?” I asked.
She nodded while looking at her lap.
I stood up and yelled. “Someone give the poor couple a box of condoms!”
“Jolene! I will not hear this.” Elena covered her ears with both hands.
“I will get you some tomorrow.” Mother winked at Amanda.
I want to be as chill as her when I get her age.
“I wish I had that problem. Adam has been insisting that is time for us to have kids and I am anything but ready to be a mother. I am only twenty-three.”
I put my hand on Abigail’s shoulder. “I was eleven when Aiden asked me to be his mom, and let me tell you; I wasn’t ready. I was also a kid, so I improvised as if playing house. Somewhere along the road, I just got it.”
“Don’t listen to her. She has never changed a diaper in her life!” Elena said.
“And you have?”
“That is Alex’s work, but I do it sometimes.”
“She never does it. That is why your father and I stayed home even after you left.”
“Ha! Busted!” I pointed at the camera.
“It is normal to be worried, and even a little afraid,” my mother said. “Believe me, that doesn’t go with the age. I may look in my late twenties, but I am eighty-five and had Alex when I was fifty something. I was still terrified, and if I had a child now, I would still freak out.”
Mother is the prime example of the joys of being a werewolf. She looks so young. Unlike most couples, my parents waited long to have children. They wanted to enjoy each other. The reason Alex exists is because mother and father wanted to go explore the world. Harsh, but true. They didn’t even wait for him to turn twenty. They gave him the pack when he was eighteen, and he practically begged me to help him when I became seventeen.
Abigail exhaled and stared at the floor. “I see.”
I rubbed circles on her back and looked at her with a serious face. “You can always go raw and fake surprise later.”
Her eyes widened and she stared at me as if I was crazy.
“Jolene!” I heard everyone said.
Do they think I have amnesia again or something?
“Y’all too serious. I am the inappropriate friend. I can’t just don’t do my job because of mate problems!”
“Glad to see you are feeling better!” Elena said.
I laughed and stifled a yawn, but it seems like Abigail noticed.
“You must be tired. It is 3:07 AM already!”
“Time flies when you have fun and when you rant. I loved your speeches. They were very debate-like. I need to rest now if I want to be able to think tomorrow.”
We all said our goodbyes and Abigail left. I went back to stare at the ceiling, just that this time I turned off the lights in an attempt to fall asleep. Finally, the tiredness from the traveling got to me and I dozed off. But, not without reliving the conversation I had with the girls at least twenty times. I hope I made the right choice.