Janet’s POV
By the time I regained consciousness, I was back in the car, and Josh told me what happened. I could relate to Chris watching someone he loved die. I mean I went thought the same circumstances, but my family wasn’t suicidal. All together we both could relate to watching out loved ones lose their lives. Even if they took them themselves. It was hard to think about losing Josh like Chris lost Simon. I didn’t know how to react. Next time I saw Chris I promised myself I would hug him until his eyes popped out of his head. He did save my life.
I shifted in the uncomfortable back seat of the car and groaned. Josh’s grip around my body tightened and a low growl escaped. The driver, Marianna, chuckled warmly. “He’s been doing that since he found you. Won’t let anyone come near you, not even me.” She suppressed a sigh.
“Where are we?” I choked. The roads looked all wrong, and I was a little dizzy. She shook her head softly and gave me a confused look from the rear view mirror. “Home?”
“Oh…”
“You both have been out for about two hours, we should be home in less than five minutes.” She commented. I nodded, and rested my head back on Josh’s shoulders.
His mother and I didn’t really have a lot to talk about. I had nothing against her, but she and I just didn’t exactly click. The fact that she lied to me made me upset, and what made me more upset is the fact that Josh lied to me too. Even though he saved me doesn’t get him off so easy.
I stared up at Josh who was sleeping peacefully. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days due to the way his eyes hung. His face wasn’t cleanly shaven like he usual had it, and his hair was a mess of dirt and grease. Through his uncleanliness, he still looked handsome. His eyelashes bordered his eyes, and his lips were slightly parted.
He growled again, and this time a smile grew on his face. His eyes never once opened, but he shifted his head against the window. “I can’t sleep if you keep staring at me.” He sounded as exhausted as he looked. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that didn’t get any rest at all.
“Alright, you two go get some sleep in a bed. Everyone else should be arriving soon.” Josh reluctantly climbed out of the car with me in his arms. I grumbled lightly, and pressed against his chest.
“I can walk…” He paused at the door step and looked down at me. He gave me a tired grin before shaking his head no. “I don’t want you to.”
Okay…. I closed my eyes, and before I knew it I was being placed on the bed. When I squinted to see what time it was. 4:22 am.
“Raise your arms up,” Josh mumbled. I reluctantly did as I was told, and he pulled the old shirt from my body. I didn’t even get bothered by the fact I was naked in from of him. I was too tired. He pulled a black shirt over my head, and then climbed into the bed next to me.
Once his arms surrounded my body, I fell back into a deep sleep.
Josh tried to get me in the shower with him, but I refused. He didn’t want to have sex with me, he just wanted to make sure I was in his sight, and safe. I had already taken a shower, and I felt like I was suffocating inside the small space.
My mind continued to bounce from the emotion Josh would feel if I left, and how Chris was feeling right now. I needed to talk to him, bad. I felt my wolf grieve for my pack member.
I slipped out of the bathroom in almost a complete silence. Josh didn’t seem to notice, and I mentally patted myself on the back for it. This was the first thing to get by him in the past hour I’ve been awake.
My feet fell silent as I moved quickly down the upper hallway. I hesitated as I reached the second floor and glanced around the empty hallways.
I came to a silent maroon red door. The smell of oak filled my nostrils, and the soft sound of ragged breathing was inside. I didn’t know what to expect or to say to him. All I knew is that I had to comfort him. Before I knew it, my knuckles lightly tapped on the door. No answer.
Slowly, I pushed the door open. Chris was sitting upright on his bed, staring out the window. His hands were folded in his lap, and he had a emotionless expression on his once cheerful features. I noticed his shoulders were slumped, and a redness on his wrist.
“Chris?” I asked, shutting the door behind me and sitting down next to him. His eyes met mine for a split second before turning back towards the window. I didn’t know how he felt about watching his own mate die.
“Chris, I don’t know how you feel right now, and I cannot compare. But Chris, I’m here to talk to if you need.” I sighed. Still, no emotion, not even a glance from my best friend. I couldn’t even hear him breathing.
“Chris, say something.” I begged. Nothing.
I slid onto the floor in front of him, and took his hands in mine. I could clearly see two cuts on his wrist and I nearly started crying.
“Chris! Say something!” I screamed. I squeezed his hands tightly, and dropped my head towards the floor. My forehead touched his knee and still no answer. Tears poured out of my eyes like some sort of river.
My stomach felt like a knife was being twisted in it. I had a sick feeling in my chest, and my breathing became ragged. I was crying historically into his lap. Begging him to say something, anything. Even if it was a soft ‘okay.’ Still; nothing.
“He really does love you,” Chris choked out. His hand lifted my chin from his lap, and the vacant stare was now on my face. He turned his attention to me. The pained expression never seemed to fade. I couldn’t blame him.
His face seemed to be drained from color. His eyes were dimmer than normal. I wondered how long it had taken him to get over it the very first time; when he was rejected. And now, would he ever get over it?
His thumb wiped away a tear from my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. Funny, he’s comforting me but it should be vise versa. I never thought about it before, but would he ever get over it? I focused my vision away from Chris to the doorway.
Josh was leaning against it with his arms crossed, and a sympathetic look on his face. He probably heard our entire conversation. I’m glad he didn’t interrupt. I never actually thanked him for saving me. I wondered how long he had been awake looking for me, or how much trouble he brought upon himself thinking about me. A million questions ran through my mind at once.
“I know.” I gave Chris one last squeeze to his hand and shakily walked out of his bedroom. All of this was wrong. All wrong. Nothing seemed to be going right.
With one last glance behind me, I walked away. Wishing that I could have had something better to say. Wishing I could promise Chris that everything would be okay. I didn’t want to tell him something that I couldn’t believe myself.
“I’m proud of what you did back there.” Josh’s voice took me off guard from my thoughts. I hadn’t said but six words to my own mate since we’ve woken up. It really hadn’t bothered me up until now. I was really enjoying the silence between us. I didn’t do anything special. I did what anyone else would have done, talk. Just talk to them. Chris was my best friend after all. Weather Josh likes it or not.
“You’ll make a great Luna.”
Luna? Luna?! This was not the time to bring up something I have never wanted. I didn’t want any of this. I choked down what I wanted to say and shook my head against it.
I flinched when he reached out to touch me. It’s not that I didn’t want him to, it was just a reflex. I felt like we were at square one again, having our trust issues.
“Kyle isn’t my beta anymore.” Josh piped up. I looked over at him and furrowed my eyebrows. I was beyond confused. What? “I know you didn’t like him,” he continued, “Chris is my new beta.” He finished. I have him a weak smile.
Chris and Josh were okay with each other? I thought that would be a one time thing. Kyle is the main reason I was taken. He wasn’t protecting me the way he should have, but it was my fault too. Even though I’ve never liked the guy I hoped he was still alive.
“Josh, if it’s not too much to ask do you think we could…?” I felt my ears burn with embarrassment at my own question. I missed Josh more than anyone could imagine, and I wanted to get as close as possible to him. I wanted to hold him, and kiss him, and feel him. I ran a hand over my eye and sighed. Thankfully it wasn’t bruised or anything. I healed quicker than I thought I would.
He didn’t hesitate to reply. He gave me a sheepish grin and pressed a finger under my chin. Slowly our lips molded into one another’s and we fell backwards onto the bed.
My heart beat was slowly coming down, and my eyes fluttered as I laid with my back against Josh’s front. I felt like I could walk on air the way he treated my body. He kissed every inch and made me feel…special. It felt like the perfect remedy for my sickness.
“I love you, Janet.” He said, as I closed my eyes and fell asleep all over again.