I must admit – wrapping one’s head around everything that went down yesterday was nearly impossible. In a matter of hours I went from being an ordinary christian girl to being some freaking mother nature kin, that has little to do with humans, having no connection to Jesus Christ whatsoever, in exchange getting yourself a new god, yet better say goddess, carrying a Were child, not really knowing who the father is (well, nothing new here), with all the little nuances and perks. Still, I had a lot of unknown ahead of me, but already me head was burning up from overthinking everything. And who wouldn’t overthink? How did my little fucked up life turned out to be this fairy tale of craziness?41
So here am I, freshly out of the shower at 10am next morning after my life got turned upside down. Staring in the mirror. My face reflected the confusion and the shock that I felt so deep, that it echoed in my fingertips with a feeling of utter cold. As if my fingerprints were trying to melt themselves off. I rubbed my face with my hand and took a deep breath, hoping it would clear my mind a bit. What was I supposed to do now with this information? Do I go out of the room and continue as nothing ever happened? But that’s clearly impossible, how can I ignore this new piece of information? Tea, I need camomile tea, I decided. Yeah, that’s what I need. And that’s what I did. With my head hung low I went to my room, got dressed into a baggy long grey dress with a pug print on my already protruding belly and simple black flats. I left my still damp hair loose to air dry.
The house was quiet, event that beast of a dog wasn’t there. I figured that Jonathan has let hi to wonder in the nearby woods, and that was fine with me. I didn’t think that my mind would be able to handle any sort of communication at that point, even with a dog. I made my self one huge cup of steaming brew and stepped on the back porch. Food was also out of the question for now. As gracefully as I could I lowered my self on the steps and just started into space sipping my tea. I was so out of it, that I didn’t even notice how Lena appeared on the edge of the tree line and calmly walked in my direction. Only when she sat right next to me on the porch steps I realized I wasn’t alone anymore. I gave Lena a small smile and continued staring into space. Lena was quiet, I figured she knew that I needed space to think and I would talk to her when I was ready. Which I wasn’t. Damn. I was so confused. Having Lena’s silent support helped me take a pause in the whirlwind of thoughts that plagued my brain. I decided to take a step back and analyze everything again.so, here’s what I had:3
1. Werewolf’s are real. How did that make me feel? Well, I had the thime to get used to the idea that they exist, so I guess I was cool with all this mythical world. In fact, I was quite enchanted with it, it seemed more honest that the world I grew up in, more pure. Animalistic? Yes, but that only made it more logical, life based on your natural instincts. So yes, I was ok with that.
2. The father of my baby was a werewolf. I guess that knowledge made everything that happened that night more understandable. It was hard to believe that an ordinary human being could have the speed, the strength to do what they did and the ability to find me in the woods at night, because I was certain that at least at one point I hid pretty well. And after all the doctors did conclude that I was attacked by an animal, so yeah. Was I ok with that? Certainly no. If anything, it made me feel uneasy. Because let’s face it, the bastard was crazy. Or bastards? What if all 3 of them were were’s? What if they found out about the child and decided to take it away from me? I still didn’t know what the were community thought about mothers rights for a child. All them don’t seem like the parenting type though, so I sure do hope that that’s not an option. Or, there could also be another possibility – that they found out about the baby and decided to kill me and my child? I mean, or hope, that that’s unlikely, why should they care? No one believed my accusations anyway, so I presume to be safe, right? Anyhow, this all brings me to fact nr.
3. My child is not human. How does that make me feel? Surprisingly I’m ok with that. Why? Well, I’m in a city full of werewolves, my child will not stand out, and I love my baby and will love him or her no matter what. Cheesy? Cliché? Yes. But it’s the truth. So yeah, I’m ok.
And finally fact nr.. I’m not human. Well, this on is harder to what my brain around. If I understood right, than physically I’m the same, except that I have some mystical powers and can carry a were child. The powers are confusing, because except for the healing part and the animals-love-you part nothing is clear. Oh, and the healing part isn’t clear as well, cause nobody seems to know how it works. Well, doc Evans possibly could, but that sneaky moth…old man proved to be … sneaky. Even if he knew something, he’d share it when he thinks the time is right, and I guess it is not now, because I’m still in the dark about that. So, how do I feel about that? I don’t know. I don’t feel any different. Where does it leave me? Hell knows. So what should I do now? I don’t know. The thing that bothers me is that everybody knows my situation. Not about the were baby, but that I was stupid enough to go to a party and get raped. That I was weak. That in the end I didn’t stand up for myself and fight for me and my baby. I don’t want to face them and see pity in their eyes. It’s enough that I’m crippled as I am, walking with a cane and a gash in my thy, with a nasty ass scar on my face and pregnant without a baby father. Now I’m a weak raped girl.
And Lena sitting next to me didn’t help when I got to my last conclusion. If anything, I got even more anxious, because the moment my head would turn and my eyes would meet hers, I would know how much she pitied me. And concerning that she’s my only friend now (Riley and Dianna were more like mothers to me, but Lena was closer to me age wise), that one horrified me endlessly.
Lena probably sensed the change in me, my whole body became stiff as stone, my hand flew to cover my stomach in a protective gesture. She slowly turned to me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Ok?”, was all she said, and I was grateful for the lack of poetically reassuring speeches, it was enough to show me, that I didn’t need to tell her what has been on my mind all this time, and I was ready to kiss her toes for that, because talking about everything was the last thing I wanted to do. I needed silent support, and she gave it to me.
I turned to her and casted a guarded glance, just to check for the pity, but it just wasn’t there. Her gaze was concerned, yeah, but that was it. No pity. Thank shit.
“Yeah, I guess…”
And so we sat with her for another hour maybe, just watching the skies and the clouds, that stood still in the heat of the day, both deep in thoughts. Soon enough I got tired of doing nothing. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t lazy and I hated decomposing, because doing nothing for me was just that. Yeah, life was shit right now, but I had to deal with it.
“So, what are we going to do today?”, I asked Lena.
“I say we go and follow our original plan!”, she said winking at me.
“Ugh… what was that again?”
“Giiiiiiirl!” She cried out and rolled her eyes at me. “Think, woman! I thought a baby usually pushes on the bladder, not on the brain…”. What a polite friend I have, right?4
“Lena, I don’t follow.” I tried my best to make poker face, but well, I was never good at hiding my emotions, so corners of my lips were twitching in a small smile.
“Gaaaawd…”
“Oh c’mon, pregnancy brain, cut me some slack!”, I was already smiling wide, she was acting so silly.
“Sometimes I don’t understand how you managed to get a degree with that awesome brain force of yours…”
“Eeeeh, I don’t have a degree…”
“Figures…”
That was when I finally gave up and we started laughing hard. Thank god for a friend like Lena. Oh, sorry, Goddess…
* * *
So apparently the plan for today was to make a visit to my doctor and check up on my pregnancy and hopefully find out the sex of my baby. Also, since I had more info on the baby (like it being a werewolf, bha), I figured she could tell me more on what to expect. And that’s where we went.
Doctor Green was smiley and polite, just as the last time I saw her. She greeted me with a warm side hug and together with Lena we went to the exam room.
“So, Evelyn,”, she started cheerfully. “Are you ready to find out who you’re having?”
Me and Lena exchanged a glance, we didn’t really know if doc Evans had informed about our new developments, if you could call my situation that… I pleaded Lena with my eyes to take the lead on that one.
“Doc, just one thing before we do this…” Lena started. Dr. Green looked at her a bit confused, but her smile never left her face.
“Sure thing, honey, what is that?”
“Oh, well, have you spoken to doc Evans today?”
“Erm, no, was I supposed to?”, now the smile was gone and a concerned look appeared in her eyes.
“Just call him and tell him that Evelyn is here for a check up and that I told you that he should update you on the situation.” Dr. Green furrowed her brows, but decided to listen to Lena and with a muffled i’ll-be-right-back stepped out of the room, while Lena and I sat on the exam table together and dangled our feet like some 5 year olds. Both of us had that mischievous spark in us and we started giggling. Hell, a little humor never harms, right?1
We waited for maybe some 15 minutes, and then finally Dr. Green came back. Her facial expression was quite comical, if you ask me: huge eyes, fidgeting hands, she tried to tell us something, but for a minute or so she looked more like a fish just gaping at us. Finally she took a deep breath and spoke.
“Well… I must say that I most certainly didn’t expect to meet a healer…”
I smiled at her in a hopefully reassuring manner: “Well, you’re not the only one confused, I never expected to BE a healer…”, I shrugged my shoulders.
“Ooook. So, doc Evans tells me, that first of all we are not to tell anyone about that for now. I promise, this information will not leave this room!” She spoke more confidently.
“Thank you.” Was all I said.
“Ok then. Doc Evans also told me that your child is a were… that was also unexpected. I sincerely apologize that I wasn’t able to sniff it out myself, but the thought never crossed my mind…”
“I dig you, doc, it’s fine. Was shocked myself.” I said, and then Lena dded: “Don’t worry about that, doctor, even Jonathan didn’t notice…”
“Yeah, quite a situation we have here…” a pregnant silence fell upon us (ironic, isn’t it?), but soon enough Dr. Green clapped her hands and smiled that bright smile of hers, snapping back o her old self as if nothing shocking ever happened. Boy, I wish I had abilities like that myself.
“Ok, enough sulking. Let’s look at that baby of yours, shall we?”
And with that Lena hopped off the table, Dr. Green covered my lower body with a soft blanket and pulled my dress over my stomach. Then some gel was squeezed on it and then she was poking my belly with the sonogram device. The room filled with the humming of the machine and all of doctors attention was on the screen.
“Ok, everything looks fine. According to the size of the baby, I would say to expect him or her sometime this September.”
“What? September?” I cried out shocked, “but it’s so soon! It’s only what, 5 months?!”
“Exactly. Evelyn, honey, you are carrying a were child, they grow way faster than human fetuses do, so yes, Mid or end of September it is.” She placed a calming hand over mine, that was clinging to the table in a death grip. Well shit, it is a fact nr. I had to process now. And since when did I start cussing so much?2
“Oh god, but I’m not ready! I don’t even have a crib yet, and it’s in 2 months already! And I still hang around Dianna and Jonathan’s place, I don’t have a place of my own, I didn’t manage to save enough money for the maternity leave, it’s to fast!” Now I was in a full mode panic attack.
Lena grabbed my other hand and squeezed it hard. “Evelyn, calm down! We have time to buy things, and I doubt that Dianna and Jonathan are going to let you go anywhere, they love you and are waiting for this baby as much as you are! Damn, Riley and doc Evans consider you as daughter and you are as a sister to me, so chill, you are not alone, you have all of us.” Her voice was firm and even demanding. I felt tears gathering in the corners of my eyes, how did I get so lucky all of a sudden? I whispered a thank you to her, squeezed her hand in return and looked back at Dr. Green.
“Ok. So who am I having?”
Dr. Green smiled an even more huge smile and proudly announced: “A girl!”