The lights in the room flickered, foreshadowing Caspar’s arrival. The doctor and the nurses stilled sensing something was amiss, while Louis waited in anticipation for his brother to arrive. This was the calm before the storm. This was the quiet prelude before violence I was certain would ensue when Caspar burst the bedroom door to defend me.
I held my breath in my lungs as the footsteps grew nearer and felt my heart still when the door opened softly. That gentle motion took me by surprise- did Caspar not hear me screaming his name? Why wasn’t he kicking the door off its damn hinges- why wasn’t he fighting for me?
The door opened and Caspar walked in. Caspar didn’t rush in or burst in like I predicted, he just walked in and gave me a filthy look and snapped, “What the hell are you yelling bloody murder for?”
“What?” I breathed feeling a cold numbness creeping up my spine.
“Damn it Hazel, the whole world and his wife will know where you are by sun rise if you keep hollering like that.” Caspar yelled at me.
“But, I- I was being attacked…” I replied mechanically. The numbness had seeped into my mind and was struggling to understand why Caspar was reacting this way. He was just standing there in front of me alongside his brother and the medical staff giving me such a look.
“Stop being foolish Hazel, the doctor and nurses are here to help you. They were not attacking you.” Caspar said firmly.
I pointed to the syringe in the doctor’s hand and said, “They wanted to stick that in me.”
Caspar turned to the doctor who was holding the syringe in his hand. The Doctor in a calm and professional manner explained, “The Princess became distressed so I prepared this mild sedative to help her relax and prevent her from harming the child.”
“Harming the child!” I snapped in disbelief, “Are you kidding me?!”
Caspar impatiently sighed, “Look,” he announced to the room, “Could everyone please leave while I try and talk some sense into my wife.”
Louis shot Caspar an approving glance and said, “Go ahead Caspar, but I will have the medical staff on standby should you need them.”
Caspar thanked his brother while I watched on in horror. Louis and the medical staff cleared the room and closed the door behind them leaving Caspar to ‘talk some sense into me’ – his irrational hysterical wife.
I loved Caspar so much but in that moment I couldn’t bear to look at him. Holding back tears I said, “I can’t believe you Caspar. I can’t believe you…” My voice trailed off.
Caspar was without remorse. He stood straight and with an unwavering tone replied, “I have to do what is necessary to protect you and the baby- even if you end up hating me for it.”
“Well I do hate you Caspar. I hate you so much right now I can’t even stand to look at you!” I screamed at him.
“Lower your voice Hazel or I will call the doctor in to sedate you.” He said.
“Why!” I demanded.
“No one knows you are here Hazel. Not even the soldiers in the garrison know who you are and we want to keep that way.” Caspar said.
“So what, you are just going to keep me here against my will- drugged up and comatose until I give birth to the baby.” I said.
“Hopefully you will co-operate.” Caspar replied.
I began shaking my head, “No I will not co-operate with men who kidnap me and threaten me. I swear on everything holy if you keep me in this room then I will scream and scream until the fucking walls of this building come tumbling down!”
Suddenly I can’t hold it in anymore and I burst out crying, and as I do so the sickness kicks in again. I crumple to the floor sobbing and retching. The drip stand holding the IV I am attached to falls over, and the plastic tubing and needle is painfully ripped from my arm.
In the corner I hear Caspar swearing. He rushes to my side and crouches down next to me, then places his hand on my back and softly speaks my name. With gentle strokes he whispers, “It’s all right Hazel, I will take care of you and the baby.”
I slap his hand away from me and snap, “Don’t ever touch me again.”
Caspar withdraws his hand away from me and rocks back on his heels. I move away from him, half crawling, half dragging myself across the floor to get away from him. Pain flickers across Caspar’s eyes as I pull myself towards the far corner of the room.
“I don’t want you ever near me again.” I say with a trembling voice.
“Hazel, come on… stop this and get into bed.” Caspar calls to me.
“Just go away Caspar.” I breathe.
“Hazel-please…” He whines.
“Go away.”
I hear an irritated sigh then, “Fuck this.”
Suddenly I feel Caspar’s hands on me, pulling me off the floor into his lap. I try to fight him but I am not strong enough. He holds me against his chest and softly breathes into my hair, “I am sorry, I am sorry…”, as I continue to fight him.
Angrily I cry, “You and your brother planned this! You duped me into getting pregnant so I could this messed up family heir and now the mission to knock up Hazel has been accomplished this whole romantic façade is over. You never cared about me…you don’t give two shits about what happens to me…Everything between us was and is a lie! None of it was real!”
The words tumbled out my mouth hot and angry. I didn’t even know if I was making sense anymore. The rage inside me was too much and it needed to boil over and words were the only way in which I knew how to express myself.
Caspar grabbed me by my shoulders and forced me to look at him, “Don’t you ever say that!” He hissed at me, “Don’t you ever say it wasn’t real because it was real, every damn moment was real and still is real!”
“You are a liar!” I say beating the flats of my palms against his chest.
Caspar catches my hands in his and replies, “I don’t want to do this Hazel. I don’t want to hurt you like this at all but I need to.”