“The next one is abandoning your reasoning that you acquired while being alive,”
Death beckons me to take a left. “You have to let go of all that knowledge you learned and start learning the knowledge of this reality. You are in luck because I am knowledgeable in how things are done here,”
We walk through the company. There are hardly any people today because it’s their only day off. These reapers only have one day break in a week. Now, I can see why most of the people I have seen are grumpy as all outdoors.
“So, let me give you a crash course,” Death says “We exist because humans think we exist. That’s why we’re here and why we need humans to keep believing in us,”
“Is that why we are supposed to think what we want when we’re passing on?”
“Precisely, mind your head,” Death says, ducking under a sign that’s hanging too low. “I’ll tell Todd to handle that,
“Back to the topic, it is my job and the purpose of this company to keep humans believing in us. They need to believe that when they’re dead, they’re gone. Reapers take these souls to the place they imagined. You would have learned all this is you actually went to Crete,”
“So whatever you think happens?” I say in wonder.
“Yes,”
“So, if I think I’m going to go to heaven I will?”
Death opens clear double doors leading outside. It’s still chilly and the snow is melting, leaving water puddles everywhere. “It’s a great deal more complicated than that but essentially.”
I slow my steps, the wheels in my head turning. “What if bad people think they’re going to heaven or some other utopia? Will they go there too?”
Death settles on a wooden bench. “Like I said, it is complicated but, yes, they might end up there in our company at least,”
I freeze up as my hand grazes against the bench. I remember him. His ash brown hair and those menacing crow eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut remembering how sacred I was the first year being dead. I didn’t understand what happened to me. I was lost in ghost fog until Jess found me.
But him. He lived such a comfortable life even afterwards. I am grateful he got ten years in prison, I really am, but look how much I am suffering because of him.
I thought, I think holding my heart, I thought he’ll eventually suffer as much as me. I believed in it. I had to. He can’t just move onto a place of roses and cookies after what he did to me.
My chest constricts and my grip on the bench tightens. My airways begin to close and my knees become weak.
“Anwen?” Death calls out.
I don’t respond.
“Anwen,”
When I was drowning, he could’ve saved me. He could have had a second chance to save me after he placed me there. He just stared at me as my body sank deeper and deeper into the calm blue. I think he just stood there to check to see if I stayed under. He walked away. He walked away and I died. He omitted that part in his trial.
“Anwen!” Death says, shaking my shoulders.
My eyes open. The voice that comes out of my mouth is weak and frail, “What?”
“Why are you crying?”
I take my hands and wipe the tears. “Nothing,”
“It wasn’t nothing,” Death interjects “What’s wrong with you?”
“What you said made me upset,” I start “About the bad people,”
“Why did that make you upset?”
I lower my gaze. “I was murdered, okay. I was murdered,”
Death is silent.
“I refuse to believe that he’ll get away with this,” I mutter more to myself than him.
Death cocks his head. “You said your reason of death was drowning,”
“He made me drown,”
Death lowers himself back down to the bench. I sit next to him and continue, “The belief in people getting what they deserve kept me kind of sane. Wait, why do I keep telling you everything?”
“Just think of it this way, the steps will take a month or two with me. If talking to me can make you move on faster and bring my life back to normal, you can talk to me as much as you want,” Death says “Just keep the speech related to the step,”
“So, as for your murderer, I am not saying he’ll end up in his version of utopia. It’s complicated but it’s a possibility,” Death continues.
I shake and clench my fists. “What if he believes in nothing or what he believes in something else,”
“If he doesn’t believe in us, then he’ll be dealt with by the company that corresponds to his belief. It’s out of my control. Sometimes people get what they deserve,”
“Sometimes?”
“Yes, sometimes. Sometimes we never get even,”
Tears well up and fall down my cheeks. Sometimes we never get even.
“I can infer that you’re crying because the killer didn’t get what they deserved?” Death says.
“He got jail time but I don’t think that was enough. I’m not his first sin. He needs to pay for everyone he hurts. He doesn’t even show remorse. He never apologized to me. He never apologized to his girlfriend. He never apologized to his kid. He never apologized to anyone and everyone still loves him!”
I calm myself down. I’m getting out of hand. This is the reason why I need to believe in what I did when I was alive. I take a deep breath and cool my temper. I have learned that being angry just hurts my own nerves.
“You don’t have to worry about your killer. This step only requires you to let go of your past knowledge and embrace ours. You just have to accept how things are at this stage,”
“It will take me some time for me,” I admit.
Death eyes me before sighing. He takes out his handkerchief from his breast pocket. He throws it on my lap. “Here, use it. You look ridiculous.”
I take it. “Thank you,”
“Let’s go, we finished all the tasks and you didn’t screw anything this time. Shocking,” Death says, standing on his feet. He puts out his hand. I take it. In the blinking of an eye, we’re back in his living room. My head doesn’t hurt as much as it did before.
Death cooks but, again, he only cooks for himself.
_______
Anwen baby.