Anwen POV
If they only didn’t delay my orientation.
I would’ve known what to do in this situation. They teach you survival skills on the first day. But no, Lucas and Axel wanted to play Jenga.
I would’ve known how to manage pain, how to kinda fight, and what to do if I lost my crystal. I didn’t do any of that and now I’m here walking for what seems like hours. There is flat land in all directions with mountains far far in front. My best bet is making it to those sturdy summits even though I know I’ll never reach them.
It’s so cold. I’m shivering and the only flame I have is the flame I made from the heat circle Death taught me that day. That’s the flame that is keeping me alive right now. I made a makeshift torch out of some bush leaves and I continue to walk. I don’t want to stop moving. I’m scared what would happen if I stop moving.
What else?
Oh, I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten for the whole two days I’ve been here. No water either. I don’t know why I’m so calm. I haven’t died yet. At least I don’t think I’ve died. It’s hard to tell when I can’t leave a body but I am almost certain that I haven’t.
The worst thing out of everything isn’t hunger or thirst. I believe the worst thing is the illusions. For some reason, even though I let them go, I am haunted by my old family. Tyler, my parents, and even my old friends dance around my head in some sort of sick twisted halo. I hate it. I hate it the most.
You know, I think with my lower lip trembling. I don’t want to die again.
Being a ghost is the most torturing thing. I don’t want to go through any of that anymore. No more fog. No more steps. I just want to live my life. That’s all I wanted to do. Why is the universe blocking me from everything I want? I never hurt anyone. I never killed. I never did anything so severe. Why am I being punished?
I let the tears fall down my icy cheeks. “Why am I being punished? I was the one who died,”
My emotions tumble in my chest and I hear Axel telling me what he always did when I became emotional.
“Don’t get too riled up. It triggers it,” he told me while we played Candy Poker. “It’s not something you want to trigger,”
He never told me what triggers what. He just told me not to feed into my emotions and keep the raging feelings locked up. I have to stay cool, he said. Don’t get too sad. Don’t get too depressed. Don’t get too happy. Don’t feel too much of anything. I listened to him but he isn’t here now, is he?
It’s so tempting to lean into the depressed thoughts roaming inside my chest with its beating heart. It’s so easy. With thoughts about my family, friends, and whatever kicking off it’s only natural to think about Death.
The man who isn’t mine and probably never was. I remember trying to figure out that printer thing. I smile involuntarily. That printer was on another level. There were a gazillion buttons and I couldn’t make a single photocopy. Death helped me figure that out.
Oh, and that time that coffee machine went all I,Robot. It started to do its own thing after I put in that espresso thing. It started to talk and stuff but it turns out it was one of those smart voice activated coffee machines. Not a coffee machine possessed but some sort of demon. Death helped me out with that too. Felix.
I miss him. I miss him so much that I’m crying. How can I miss him? I thought I got over him. I wrote that damn letter. Doesn’t the lead in dramas always move on after the letter? I wrote the letter.
Before I notice, I slip out of the cool zone Axel told me to stay in. Before I notice, I start to indulge in the depressed feelings of the past as the snow falls down. The thoughts of my family and situation come down on me full force and I forget to fight it.
The pain starts as a single bee sting between my shoulder blades. Then it snowballs into something bigger and something even more excruciating. I scream not understanding what’s going on. My torch falls to the floor and catches onto another bush. I am too blinded by my own pain to stop it before it rages to the left of me. The familiar hot lightning shoots up in my back again. I realize that my wings are coming again. The brand of my curse. Is that what Axel was talking about? Is this what my emotions trigger? I can’t even feel with this curse?
The sound of my skin tearing and the thick iron smell cuts my thoughts at once. The hunger, the thirst, it all disappears. I’m terrified at first. I press my fingers to my throat and wait as the bony wings pierce out of my back once again.
My breath halts as I dig the tips of my fingers deeper into the skin on my jugular vein. “Please, please,”
My wings come out and shield the rest of my body as the snow comes down harder. I wait and wait praying that I haven’t passed away. There deep in my body is a single beat that causes me to cry with relief. My heart, it’s still working. It’s weak but I’m not gone.
My body catches on fire providing me with the heat I need. My wings attempt to beat themselves but they’re soaked in blood. I eventually lower them to shield myself again. I keep my fingers pressed to my throat to hear that reassuring beat over and over.
Even though my curse is one that tears one up inside. It’s one that prohibits me from a great deal of things and causes me so much pain. Despite all of this, it saved my life. Maybe this is an emergency boost to keep me going for a little longer. But that’s how long I’ll last out here.
Just a little while longer.
___
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.